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Al Lee Wyer: News

THE DOOFUS SPEECH - December 2, 2016

            Stardate 490.7 :  " ORBITING PLANET  DOOFUS 4 - a Planet inhabited By ANGRY OLD KRUMUDGEONS"

             " CAPTAIN "  

            " SPOCK ? "

       " Recieving Transmission From The Planets Surface "    --  " On Screen Mr. Spock "  

       " IT'S GONNA BE SO GREAT  -  so great "      " LOCK HER UP - LOCK HER UP ( cheers applause )"

        " Mass Insanity Spock ? "   

        " Quite Possable Captain " 

 

The Basics - December 1, 2016

 " LOCK HER UP - LOCK HER UP - U.S.A. U.S.A."

   " LOCK HER UP  ( cheers ) "

 

  " NOW WE ARE GOING TO SAVE MEDICARE BY CUTTING IT "

 

   "(cheers) LOCK HER UP - LOCK HER UP - U.S.A. U.S.A.  AN GERRRRRR GRRR GRR "

1962 The Cuban Missile Crisis - November 30, 2016

" Mr President , We Have Photographic Evidence That the Russians have Placed  Nuclear Missiles in Cuba " 

 " I'll call Putin - He's a Good Guy "  " President BUSH Read His Soul  "

  " President WHO ?  "

  " We Have Got to BOMB THE SHIT OUT OF THEM  Mr President  ---  NOW ! "

   " I like that Idea General  --   What will The RUSSIANS Do "

        " SURRENDER Sir "

    " Oh  O.K. --   but give me time to Invest In AMERICAN HAVANA  Before You Drop the First One "

Love - Exiting and New - November 28, 2016

    " Alright TRUMP --   You Turn My Ship into a NUDIST COLONY  to Broker a Better Deal with The FURNGAI -

      and Now We're the Laughing Stock of The Fleet "

        " Captain " 

      " WHAT IS IT SPOCK ! "

      " I Understand That STARFLEET  is Now Referring to The ENTERPRISE as ( and I quote )  The LOVE BOAT "

       " MISS  AMERICA is Going Nude Next Season Kirk "   " We Should Listen to The FURENGAI "

       " They're  Smart --    So Smart "

 

Shameless Clothing - November 27, 2016

  " Captain President Trump is Approaching the Bridge"

  " Thank You Mr. Spock "

     " KIRK  I'm Negotiating with the FURENGAI - It's a Huge Deal and I don't Want to Insult Them "

  " Have all FEMALE Crew Members  REMOVE  Their Clothing Before You Poltergeest The Ambassador On Board "

   " This Deals Too Big to Risk by  SHAMELESSLY Clothing Our Women  "

        " UHURA - Get Me Star Base 10 "

Deal Me In - November 26, 2016

 " President Trump to Enterprise "   " Enterprise  -  SCOTT Here "   

  " Poltergeeest Me Up I'm on a business trip making a Huge Deal with the FURENGAI '

  " CAPTAIN ? "   

  " Beam up Ambassador Trump and Send him Directly to the Bridge "

   " Aye Captain -  Energize "

White House South - November 23, 2016

Buenos Aries :    OberGruppen Furher ADOLPH BIZMARK CEASAR and  UnterGruppen Furher SHMOKEN VERBOTEN have Reportedly Acquired a Piece of PRIME REAL ESTATE for President Elect TRUMP.               " They're Amazing GRUPPENFURHERS "                  " The WHITE HOUSE SOUTH Will be Just That. " WHITE"      .         "STEVE IS So Smart " 

Pope Has Tatoo - November 22, 2016

  According to inside sources at the Vatican POPE FRANCIS Sowed a Few " WILD OATS  " in His Youth.

" I'm a hava tattoo on a my -- Como se Dice - ahh Yesa -- Mio Aassa "

" She's a Pidgeon " "Make a Noise Like a dees - Tweet Tweeta "

 The " Inside Source " is said to be a Reliable.Vatican Janitor : " I'm a Hear Abouta dees Ina da Papal Locker Room --  That a Benadeect. - - Ma non " ( VP ) 

Iran launches Korean - November 20, 2016

IRAN announced today that it had fullfiled it's obligation under the IRAN/ NORTH KOREA / SO YOU THINK WE WERE EVIL BEFORE EHH / PACT.

" This afternoon at--- 2:00 ---TEHERAN time We successfully Launched the North Korean Ambassador into the sea of JAPAN. "

" He landed ( with Portfolio ) 5.6 miles west of the sight where our first Satellite Booster Rocket landed '

Former Iranian President MACHMUD AHMAJINEDAD : "This is a great moment in AXIS history ----It rivals even the Washing of My Car and the Chasing of the Mice "

" See the Great Satan Quake Like so many Impotent Implants on the inflated breasts of the kept Whore of the Infidel " Ahmajinedad and Kim Jong Un then exchanged Launching Gifts. UN receiving Lavish CHINA (upi )

Inclusive is good - November 18, 2016

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    " I AM OBSERVING THANK'S GIVING AT THE  OVAL OFFICE TOWER NEXT WEEK. "

     " LITTLE MARCO - LYIN TED AND - AND CHOCKER MITT ROMNEY ARE DROPPING BY "

       " I'M NOT A HATER -- I'M NOT -  ALL IS FORGIVEN LET ME TELL YA ' 

      " NOT THAT FAT PIG THOUGH --  SHE'S  DISGUSTING  EVEN I CANT AFFORD TO FEED HER "

Hasta La Veesa - November 17, 2016

  " ADOLPH Just Informed Me That SPAIN -   that's Right Not MEXICO "

  "  SPAIN -  Has Nukular Missiles  Aimed at INDIANA. "

  "That's Right  - and - INDIANA WENT FOR ME Right  ? "  " I mean BIG TIME "

    " As Soon as I can Figure Out who to call  I will Order Nukular Weapons aimed at LISBON "

     " I Know What They'll think in SEVILLE  --    " WHAT IF THEY MISS  ?   "

     " That's Called DIPLOMACY -   Smart - So Smart "

Meet the Press - November 16, 2016

 " I 'm Naming My New WHITE HOUSE CHIEF OF STAFF -  ADOLPH BIZMARK CEASAR Has Been an UNBELIEVEABLE ADVISOR "

  " He couldn't be With Us in the BUNKER on Election Night - He was on a Business Trip to ARGENTINA But he's Back Now "

    " He's Gonna be an AMAZING CHIEF OF STAFF --     You Should  See Him Running that Car Wash "

      " Fantastic let me tell you "

THE ELEVATOR - November 15, 2016

 ENERGIZE :  "  Captain AMBASSADOR TRUMP has just Beamed Aboard"

     " That's PRESIDENT TRUMP --- I Won the ELECTORAL HIGH SCHOOL "

             " KIRK !!  You've Got To Stop POLTERGEEESING Me Around like This -- 

      ADOLPH Get's Nervous "

President to India " I'm a cattle man" - November 11, 2016

  Former President BUSH 's good will trip to INDIA hit a bump in the road yesterday.

  In this Society that considers the Cow a SACRED Animal the Former Presidents Brag that he's " A CATTLE MAN " was not well received. 

 PrsBsh : " Now I saw a couple of Head on my way here that look ready for the steak knife heee hee he - uhh and uhh  "

" You see we in the U.S. Love nothin more than a thick juicy steak smothered with Onions and uhhh "

Prs Obama : "Note to self " (ap)

Dishwasher Nabbed - November 10, 2016

A Dangerous Dish Washer by the name of CARLOS RAMIREZ GONZALEZ MENDEZ was picked up by LOU DOBBS and his malitia last night

MENDEZ was wanted for washing without a licence and had skipped out on a Brillo Violation

 Dbbs " This ILLEGAL has been terorizing restaurants all over California "

MENDEZ had been known to sneak into Restarant Kitchens and wash every pot he could find.

Dbbs - " This is an Outrage " " Those are AMERICAN pot's and should be washed by highly skilled AMERICAN Dish Washers "

LOU DOBBS TONIGHT POLL SHOULD MENDEZ BE RELEASED IN THE CUSTODY OF MEXICAN FIRM -- WET BACK FIX A FLAT -- OR BE HELD WITHOUT BAIL INDEFFINITLY WITHOUT BEING CHARGED cast your vote at www.loudobbs.com/whyismyfrigginteaspoonsodamneddirty---WAITER!!

The Eating - November 9, 2016

" CAPTAIN :   I Estimate that if FAT SLOB ROSIE O'DONELL is not Neutralized  it will Devour Planet POCAHANTA 6  in Four  Hours - 24 mints and 16.756 Seconds "  

" TRUMP -   YOU BROUGHT IT HERE !! -    it Came here with YOU "

   " CAPTAIN -  My OBER GRUPPEN FURHER  ADOLPH BIZMARK CEASAR Had it  on an OPRAH DIET  "  

     " iT  almost became Human "

    " IF SO Captain -  Perhaps with HUMAN  Vulnarabilities "

     " Pull the Plug on it SPOCK "

Captains Log - November 8, 2016

 Captain :    " Yes Mr. SPOCK " .   

 " Ambassador TRUMP  --   ELIZABETH WARREN -- and   ANTHONY WEINER -- An Historic VITRIOLIC  Combination of  Conflicting Personalities - are as per Your Orders Arriving on the Bridge " 

        "  Understood Mr. SPOCK "

    "  Fat Slob ROSIE O'DONNEL Has Been Out of Sensor Range Since Devouring Planet  Pocahontas 2             We must  Locate it SPOCK Before it Devours Another Planet "

             " Indeed Captain  -- Captain Our Guests Have Arrived on the Bridge "

 

         " WAMPUM "  

                 " SHUT YOUR STUPID HOLE YOU SILLY ORANGE SMURFF  "   

         '  P.M.S. -- SHE'S ON TH WAR PATH and Probably Bleeding out of Her Whatever  "            

                   " Does Anybody Want to see My Pee Scheee  ?  "

         " YOUR DISGUSTING  --   A REAL SLEEZE BAG - - BELIEVE ME "

              " QUIET"

Miss America -- DUMPED ! - November 8, 2016

    Following The Election Results DONALD TRUMP  is facing a Difficult Moral Decision

   " I  must Decide Whether  or Not TARTA CARNAVOR the current MISS USA will Retain her Coveted Crown-

      or Be Shit Canned "

  " Miss U.S.A. 's Not Just a BROAD you Know "

       " She's got Boobs and Brains -- and she got them the hard way too---just like I earned my money 

       She INHERITED them "

      TARTA has been appearing in Beauty Pageants since the tender age of 4

      " My Parents were very strict about that you see-- while other kids were learning to read --- I was Learning to starve "

" I guess that's what drove me to the BOOOZ "

  TRUMP  is said to be in constant touch with BERNIE TAUPIN

 " JUST IN CASE EMERRGENCY LYRICS ARE NEEDED TO USHER THIS BOOZING HAG OFF INTO OBSCURITY"  

       " what a Pig "  (Celeb)

M. I. T. challenges President - November 8, 2016

The PRESTEGIOS  MASSACHUSETTES INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY Took Issue with DONALD TRUMP   and

his Explanation of The Nature of  Nuclear Physics

Professor  Nathanial Milton : " Mr. TRUMPS  Claim That Protons are NUKULAR FREEDOM FIGHTERS -

     is a bit off" . "

   " In a Tech sense  He is Correct   in that they are Positively Charged and are not Displaced as Easily as

      Neutrons --  But they Don't love Freedom"

      They are  Particles and --  I Doubt  they Have Political Agenda

      " Former President BUSH  Weighed in   " Now I know That inside Those NUKULISES There's a lot of

        Trumoil "

         You see " " WE MUST BE VIGILLANT " "   I's  a matter of Prespective "   

LEAD GUT TO PLAY - November 7, 2016

 

          CATSKILL COVER GUY -  ( LEAD GUT SPINGSTIYNE )  TO SING AT TRUMP INAUGURATION

 

          "  I MEAN  - HE'S GONNA LOVE BROWN EYED GIRL "   " UNLESS SHE'S BROWN THAT IS "

                                I'M JOKING YOU FAT FK

          " NOW LEADGUT IS WHAT  AMERICA IS ALL ABOUT "   " TAKING OTHER PEOPLES CREATIVITY AND

            TURNING INTO  - OTHER PEOPLES MONEY " 

                 " AND THEN- INVESTING IR REAL ESTATE "     " NOT A LOSER "

                   " CROOKED HILLARY JUST DOESN'T GET IT "

                 LOCK HER UP - LOCK HER UP - U.S.A. U.S.A.  applause

                 MARCEL ANDAONE  ( INVENTOR OF THE DRUM MACHINE ) WILL ALSO BE PART OF THE CERIMONY

                " I LOVE FREAKIN LEAD GUT AND THAT ORANGE OTHER GUY " 

                  "BROWN EYED GIRL ON THREE "

                      " AND A ONE AND A TWO   "

GEOGRAPHY - November 7, 2016

  " AMBASSADOR TRUMP --  DID YOU MIS SPEAK WHEN YOU  SAID THE KLINGONS WOULD PAY FOR THE

     NEUTRAL ZONE ? "

  "  SINCE THE ROMULANS ARE THE PARTY OF THE SECOND PART  WITH THE FEDERATION  IN THE NEUTRAL

     ZONE AGREEMENT ?   DID YOU MIS SPEAK SIR ? "

    " WRONG -  AND BY THE WAY - YOUR A LOSER WIMP MEDIA PUPPETT   -  A REAL NOTHING  "

   "  LISTEN KLINGONS AND ROMULANS ARE LIKE MUSLIMS AND MEXICANS O.K. ? " 

    " SO THEY ARE BOTH GOING  TO SWEEP THE NEUTRAL ZONE -- AND MEXICO WILL PAY FOR It 

      NOT THE FEDERATION  -  AND DID I MENTION ? YOUR A LOSER "

     " MACHEN AMERIKA GROB WIEDER "

The art of the Klingon Deal - November 7, 2016

    "  Alright TRUMP ---    I Want Answers !!! "  " You Negotiate a Deal with the KLINGONs On POCAHANTAS 6 and  now Something is EATING SPACE  "

     " It's FAT SLOB ROSIE ODONELL Kirk  ==  it has to Be "

    " What's  a FAT SLOB Rosie O'donell and --  is it Human ?

    " That's a good Question KIrk "

Warp Factor TRUMP Mr. Scott - November 6, 2016

STARDATE 4393.6 Approaching Planet POCAHANTAS 6 in the LIZ - WARRENIAN - Star System.

" CAPTAIN  - a Disturbance in Space Time " " Something seems to be Devouring Space "

 " McCoy - Wake up Amabassador  TRUMP - I want him on the Bridge Now "

"  DAMN IT JIM  - I'm a Doctor not an Alarm Clock !!! "

TH SLOB AND THE PREVERT - November 5, 2016

    Stardate 393.3 :   " I have a Great Idea that might Solve Your Problem  KIRK "

      " I'M LISTENING  WEINER "

 ' Why Don't I TEXT  a Selfie of My PEE SCHEEE  to Fat Slob ROSIE O'DONNEL ? "

  " When It hit's Reply  ----   You can BANG IT With Your Tractor Beam and PENATRATE  It with Your

     PHOTON  TORPEDO 'S  "

     " Unlikely CAPTAIN -- Since Fat Slob ROSIE O'DONNEL is interested Solely in Feeding -

       ANTHONY WIENERS PEE SCHEEE might seem --  Un Remarkable ? "

                  " WRONG "

THE INDIAN INCIDENT - November 3, 2016

     CAPTAINS LOG   : " MONIORING THE ELIZABETH WARREN NEBULA :   " MR. SPOCK -- IS THE INDIAN

     ON BOARD? "  

      " CAPTAIN ? "

     " MR. SPOCK -- I AM REFERING TO POCAHONTAS --  THE INDIAN --  IS SHE ON BOARD ? "

      " PLEASE CLARIFY CAPTAIN "

      " MR. SPOCK - I'M REFERING ONCE AGAIN TO NO WAMPUM POCAHANTUS- IS THAT SUFFICIENT CLARIFICATION YOU HALF BREED VULCAN FREAK ? "

     " DR. McCoy -- TO THE BRIDGE "  -   " I BELIEVE AN ENTITY HAS ASSUMED CAPTAIN KIRK'S IDENTITY "

     " DAMN IT SPOCK !!!   I'M DOCTOR NOT A MEDICINE MAN ! "

                       " WRONG "

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